Precise Language

Using the words 'anything' 'any time' 'everyone' 'anyone' 'always' 'never' or 'only' is a type of challenge to my kids. If I say one of these words, they do everything in their power to make me take it back. 

'You can always give me a hug!' -> Hello, 4am hug time!

'We have to share, guys! Everyone gets the same amount.' -> 'Even Santa?' 'Even Elvis?' 'Even Dora?'

'I'll only be gone for a few minutes.' -> 'What if you die?' 'What if you get lost and lose your memory?'

 

Kids are excellent for teaching you to say exactly what you mean. 

Compliments?

Out of every 5 comments I get on my hair, 3 are like this. I don't really know what it *means*, but it sounds a little like an insult. Like a 'Aw, honey. No matter what the other kids say, *I* love you'. Honestly, I think I'd prefer a 'Why the hell would you do that to your hair?'

It reminds me a bit of when you're really, really skinny and everyone's always trying to feed you. Or saying 'Oh my god. You're so skinny! You need to eat!' Once again, I get it! But would you walk up to a fat person and say 'Oh my god. You're so fat! Don't eat anymore!' (aside from on the internet)and pretend that it's a compliment? I suppose when you look differently than other people, you open yourself up to commentary on what's different about you. But still. I'm surprised by the number of people who don't know how to do this with any grace at all. 

Also, by the number of people who think that it's okay to touch me. And kiss my head?!? wtf. 

I love you

She's right. I do. On all the days. Can you say it too much? 

I try to only say it when I mean it. Sometimes I say it when it bubbles to the surface. The deep love I have inside gets to be too much to contain and it bursts from my mouth like a burp. An affectionate burp. 'And then they aaaall went back to egypt!' 'I LOVE you!'

Sometimes it comes out as more of a sigh. A reminder to myself. 'Why does the cat have pudding on her back? *sigh* I love you guys.'

Sometimes it's habit. Goodbyes, goodnights, replies to the 'i love you's of others. These are my least favorite. Once I accidentally said 'I love you' to a telemarketer. Because we were saying goodbye on the phone. 

Sometimes it's a sudden realization. I'll be talking to someone or thinking about them and BAM! LOVE! even if I've said it a thousand times and meant it. I like those ones. 

I think sometimes if I compliment people a lot or am too affectionate too often, they won't think I'm being sincere. But unless you're a telemarketer, I probably mean it. Especially if it sounds like a burp or a sigh. 

Exact Change

Yesterday I was picking up some groceries and got in the line for check-out behind an older couple. When it came time for them to pay, he pulled out three crisp bills and set them on the check counter but when the cashier started to take them he waved his hand at her. Hold on. He then retrieved his coin purse from his coat pocket and proceeded to count out the 66 cents needed in dimes, nickels, and pennies. This was adorable enough, but when I looked at his wife, it got even more adorable. She rolled her eyes, arms crossed against her chest, and sighed, as if he did this all the time and it was a horrible bother. But in her eyes and on her lips there was a deep fondness. She watched him count each coin with a look that was so loving it bordered on condescending, as if to say 'that's my love *sigh*'. They were beautiful. 

I'm probably going to be one of those people. The exact-change-counters. I'll stand at the counter counting pennies while the cashier flashes sympathetic 'sorry!' eyes to those in line behind me. And when I put the last coin down, I'll say 'look at that!' like I remember my grandpa doing, as though I am shocked to have all the coins for this large purchase. And if I'm reeeaaally, reeeaaally lucky, I'll have someone to smile fondly and sigh at me while I do it. 

 

Secrets

I hate secrets. I don't like keeping them and even more, I don't like telling them. It's too much pressure, having a secret, and I've always been one of those people who wants wants wants to tell. That said, I'm a good secret keeper. When I need to be. Sometimes that's unfortunate. 

My kids have each gone through this phase now. The phase which tiny heathen is just now entering, at five, where the best thing in the world to them is whispering in my ear. The secret is often entirely pointless (as above), and usually boils down to 'I love you' (not as above... I don't think). There's something kind of nice about the way they figure it out. How to tell a secret. They push their faces too close to your ear, sometimes right up against it, and whisper a little too loud. At times you can't even understand what they're saying. 

When I tell them a secret (usually 'I love you'), they think it is the best thing in the world to tell. 'MOM LOVES ME', with a sideways giggly glance at me, expecting my overly dramatic reaction. 'NOOOOOOOO!' 

They like getting presents for each other. And I see it then. The desire to tell. Sometimes they will tell by saying the opposite, a trick I find particularly clever. 'Hey, I didn't get you a skateboard!'. Sometimes just hoping to get caught so they can tell all. 'I'll give you a hint. It's shaped like a Barbie.' And still other times flat out telling the other, but in whispery tones. 'I got you a car.' 

I get all sentimental sometimes, thinking about how the days are slipping away and with them, the light secrets of childhood will gain weight, becoming heavier and more important to hide. I wonder if I will have taught them enough about what secrets are okay to keep and which ones desperately need to be told. 

Someday they'll keep secrets of engagement rings or pregnancies, surprise parties or shameful thoughts. I hope they will know that their secrets are safe with me. I hope I show them that every time I solemnly nod at 'Caribbean french fries'.